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Do you think you would be happier if only you could lose weight, be a better parent, work smarter, reduce stress, exercise more, and make better decisions? But guess what?

Abraham Hicks - Relationships - FEEL secure, don't worry about the future

All of us struggle with high expectations from time to time. The good news is, we have the power to break free from the perfectionist trap—and internationally renowned health psychologist, Dr. Alice Domar can show you how.

Perfectionism and Depression: Vulnerabilities Nurses Need to Understand

Filled with the personal insights of more than fifty women, Be Happy Without Being Perfect is your key to a happier, calmer, and more enjoyable life. How Much ofa PerfectionistAre You? Where Does Perfectionism Come From? Active Gratitude. Domar lives in the Boston area with her husband and two daughters.

Happiness is not the same as pleasure

Heck, if you want to, worry more intensely during this period than you normally do. Paradoxically this exercise will give you control over something you otherwise feel you have no control over. It works for countless patients of mine and it will work for you, too.

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Ask yourself: do I have control over the issue? So many of the things people worry about they have absolutely no control over yet it dominates their thinking. For example, the weather. We can't control it but we can certainly prepare for it. On a piece of paper make four columns. On the far left write the worry you're having.

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In the next column identify whether it is fact or fiction and if there's any real evidence to support your belief. Then write an alternative way of thinking and finally, think about whether the original thought was helpful or not. So here's an example of someone who has tickets for a Broadway show on Friday and is worried she may miss it if she gets sick:. I'm not sick now so the thought is unwarranted and fiction.


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I'll make sure I take care of myself and get proper rest so I am healthy for my show. My worries were needless and didn't affect my health.


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There's a big difference between worrying and problem solving. The former is about repeating thoughts that are unhelpful and leads to more stress and worry and gets in the way of actually enjoying life and being productive. The latter is focused on getting out of the current way of thinking and making life better.

Put on your problem-solver hat and think about solutions.

How to Be Happy

How might you advise a friend who has a similar concern? What steps would you take to ensure a solution? Take action now.

Feel okay about not knowing exactly how things will turn out. Accept the unpredictability of life.

Can you imagine how dull life would be if we knew everything that would happen? Think of all that is right with life and embrace ambiguity.